Don't Abandon Your Baby --
But It's Good for You! --
I Think Rich People Are Boring --
Minutes of the Development and Programming Meeting for FOX Television's New Season --
I Ain't No This or That --
Non-Sponsored Look at Holidays in America --
Mystifying Allure of Gratuitous Luxury --
Scrapbooking in Michigan --
I Would Be the Shittiest Survivor in History --
Little Bit about Me, 'Cause It's My Book --
Free List of Quirks for Aspiring Independent Filmmakers --
Sitting on a Pole Trying to Win Some Money --
I Hate America! or, I Hate America? --
Five People You Meet in Limbo --
Ideas for T-Shirts to Be Sold at Urban Outfitters --
In Anticipation of Reading This Right Now --
Correspondence with Dave Eggers --
Involuntary Random Thoughts I've Had Not Always When I Was Pooing but Certainly Sometimes When I Was Pooing --
Short Request to Lame Friends --
Things to Do When You Are Bored --
Golden Age of Cowardice --
Top Ten Top Ten Lists List --
How to Play "Mafia," the Funnest yet Most Unnerving Game Ever Invented --
Short List of Videos with Babies in Them that I Have Not Seen on the Internet but Most Likely Exist and I Would Like to See at Some Point --
Other Ways in Which Jews Can Utilize Current Technology to Get around God's Strict Laws for the Sabbath --
Excerpts from the Galley Copy of James Frey's Latest Memoir, Lesson Learned --
Top Ten CDs to Listen to while Listening to Other CDs --
Open Letter to Larry the Cable Guy --
We Have Got to Stop Calling So Many People "Heroes" --
Oh, I Forgot You Could Do That --
Cigar Corner: Bonus Story! --
Letter from the Future --